Zip Up Toxins

Its been on my mind for some time to write on topic.There are plenty of things that people admit that they do not know about it much.And I am no exception in this matter.When I look back at the year that has passed, what I see is a potpourri. Like everyone else, I have had my own fair share of highs and lows.And each time it caused an emotional upheaval of sorts.There have been times when I've felt so elated that it almost felt unreal...and then there were times when I felt that all I wanted to do was to just disappear.Got misunderstood several times...some 'times' had dire consequences.Highs and lows are part and parcel of the game, anyways :)...Personally,past some years for me has been a real cocktail! More like a pendulum of sorts.In-between all these i realized that for many people, 'growing up' translated to 'growing apart'.It's like everything else just disappears into thin air when that person behaves in a way you least expected.That was a lesson I learnt by experience...and in the hard way.To be more careful in future.So to escape from all this i stared writing.Been busy lately.Got back to the blogging scene after a rather indecent hiatus.

I have often seen that its not just teens but adults also hits puberty or enters the middle age years or after middle age years with Attitude problems.Especially when you're caught between childhood, adolescence and old age.Parents in their 60's they become a child again and enter their second childhood stage.And it's possible that you'll notice a change in his or her personality or attitude.Being human seems to lend itself to toxicity in one form or another.And being around a control freak and toxic is never easy or pleasant, whether you're dealing with a bossy best friend or mom, a micromanaging boss, or an old-aged person who wants everything done their way.They are riddled with fears and insecurities that leave them always unsatisfied and unhappy.They are very good at manipulation as well.These people are they are disrespectful, arrogant in tone, pushy and dictatorial.Bossy or controlling people sound like a perennially uncompromising personality.They might use terms such as "Do it now!", "I am the boss, do what I say", or "Get on with it!", without asking nicely or using any other form of manners.They may insult you and hurl names in front of anyone.To get their way they lie too.And make you always feel childlike around this person, it's a fair bet that this person is seeking to control you and/or the situation.Many a controlling person lacks empathy and is often rather unaware uncaring about the impact of their bossy words and actions on others.That they are hurting you.This person may abuse and ignore your skills, experiences and rights, preferring to impress their abilities over yours.And if you are an ideas person, a creative person in creative field or a solver, working with a controlling person can grind you down. It may seem that you suggest ideas, solutions or warn of possible consequences, only to be openly ignored or even put down.Your efforts may be reduced to dust as the micromanager completely re-does your work.And If its your BOSS at work place with whom you’ve ever worked, you know how unproductive and demoralizing it can be. This control freak is reluctant to delegate, may second-guess everything you do, and can shake your confidence in your own abilities Then lo and behold, your idea or solution is presented as "his or her" achievement, weeks or months later.Its too frustrating.A bad or “toxic” boss is one who you dread speaking with, the leader which makes you feel small or insignificant, the arrogant, irritable, or inflexible manager, or the boss who has the ability to instantly suck the life and enjoyment from employees by simply entering the room.The controlling type tends to think that they are entitled to boss others around and to be in charge. This helps them to feel better about themselves.

I have also recently discovered that I have a very strong disgust for Facebook,Games,twitter,android,chat groups or Whatsapp and regular social networking. Constant Face-booking should be treated as an addiction like any other because it prevents people from living a deeper more meaningful life.I still can’t help getting a little annoyed at the whole  social-networking and internet culture when I see so many people using this tool for unhealthy or mundane reasons.And indulge in nasty abusive fights between friends.This is time that could have been spent contributing to much larger, more important issues in their lives, their community, and the world as a whole. Constant facebooking should be treated as an addiction like any other because it prevents people from living a deeper more meaningful life.But still I believe aren't we all a little toxic?As Nobody is a saint when it comes to being bossy — each of us has a tendency to boss others around at different times in life. Whatever you do in life, there will always be difficult people in your life.

What I have found is toxic people come in all shapes and forms as they know no boundaries.Its a fairly sad state to get stuck in.They can be insanely jealous and possessive for no reason. I too have come such across such people in my life.Like my boss,a very good co-worker,my best girl friend and a family members.I always felt my boss suffered from a personality disorder possibly Narcissistic Personality Disorder.Living side by side with your old parents or boss and grown up children can test even the calmest of souls.You love your old parents no matter what, but the truth is, all parents, especially in their 60's, have been known to be jerky sometimes. From being generally extremely rude ,to being non supportive in your bad times to unappreciative to being less than thrilled at the prospect of spending time with you, they all have their moments.Clothes and footwear all over, dishes in the sink, Making office calls and presentations,and an overflowing garbage pail…Whatever be the reason whether it’s due to job pressure,financial setback, divorce, the recent recession, or a greater emphasis placed on togetherness, today’s homes are more multigenerational than ever.Especially for working women who multitask.Whether you’re an ace in the kitchen or have the greenest thumb around, by the time you’re a multitasking person, you probably know your strengths.At the end of the day you are tired but still thinking of next day food.But helping to pay doesn’t always mean cash.Helping can also be done through emotional support.Meals,outside works, cleaning,yard work,laundry,kids,old parents,no sleep and office work that never seems to end.If the word “old parent” is in the name, the relationship is bound to be tricky.Unlike dealing with a friend who’s toxic, you can’t exactly say.It's difficult when toxic people are close friends,loved parents or relatives.I have a friend with an addition who avoids any fun or serious talk when needed, yet cries and brags to me when her life is upside down (which is most of the time due to her extreme social media addiction to chats). She is always on her anger and ego trip bragging of her wealth and fame. I'm happy to be her best female friend but her refusal to want to change (for the better) is becoming increasingly irritating. Same thing goes for a family member who is a compulsive hoarder who wants me to be a part of helping to get more organized, yet creates the same mess afterwards. I am learning that because others turn them away, they take more advantage of my caring nature and just take for granted that I want to be a part of their chaos. Anger and powerlessness are a fearful combination in people and that is what I am experiencing with a good friend and a family member.One minute she is throwing things around her the apartment or deck and the next crying and cursing.But the truth is i am tired of her control freak behavior.Because no matter what I do these people still points their finger at me and shout, accuses me of things that are not true and carries hurts and throws them in our face when we're not accepting it. They will go to any extent and not take responsibility for her own actions, but blames everyone else.I remember one friend telling how she can’t stand her mum’s attitude. She treats her like a kid.My friend is herself a mom of 43 with kids.She tells -Whenever she don’t listen to her or disagree on anything, she threatens to cane her.Insults her infront of her kids.She brain feeds her grand kids to distance them and shout at thier mom.Her mom nags her and reminds her of all her childhood past mistakes. Not only does she threaten her, she also threatens but also  emotionally blackmail her kids and brother to listen to her.My friend is tired of listening to her nag.She says when she stays quite her mom comes up another issue for my friend keeping quite.I know it couldn't be easy for them, but intentionally causing discord or pain is different than having a chemical imbalance that causes regrettable irrational behavior.My friend know her mom is taking advantage of her situation.As she wanted to move out from home but don’t have any money with her.Finally, i told my friend that she have to accept that her mother may not change.At this age. She is going to be the way she is for a long time.She just have to learn to cope with it. Sadly, she might even have to move out of her comfort zone for some space away from her.Maybe the distance will teach her mom her daughters value.It does not necessarily mean shifting from that house but it means keeping more quite and distancing.It may be a long time, though, before her mom accepts that the daughter is also an adult. She is going to always advice you, convince you that she knows better and second guess you.As annoying as that may be, she is your mother and I believe that she really loves her.All i can say from my own experiences when it comes to dealing with a control freak, it's all about staying calm.Avoid the person as much as you can. And sometimes, the best thing you can do is just to avoid the behavior.Its not an easy task but no other choice.Looking at the brighter side this gesture may seem impossible but it can be a very useful way for you to regain control, especially where you have no choice but to keep dealing with this person daily.Remain humble and don’t get sucked into “power traps”.

The same goes with my friend.I know it will take some time ,solidarity and but one have to be patient. If you want the person fully on board, you are going to have to invest some time and energy. I love myself enough to no longer tolerate superficial game-playing, and believe that I'm making room in my life for happier friendships.I have a lot to offer and life is too short for head games and unnecessary drama.I love getting together with everyone. And look forward to it.